Current mood:
grateful
Hey Everyone Who Reads This 
So I figured it's been a fair while since I wrote a deep and meaningful blog.
Being the last day of 2007, I want to enter 2008 with a fresh mind and new outlook on life.
I'm writing once again as an outlet for my thoughts and hope that you may get something out of it, as I have.
Recent events around me have made me become a lot more inquisitive about life and life after death (if there was such a thing). I'm going to attempt to explain what thoughts, opinions and questions I have come up with.
The other day a random guy appeared in my life.
He just introduced himself and we got to talking.
A few days later, he asked me what I was doing on that day. It was a Sunday. I said I was going to church in the morning.
He mentioned that he's just been through a rough time and someone had given him a Bible and it has helped him out during his hard time.
Me, being me, asked him if he'd like to share his experience with me and how the Bible had helped him.
Then I went on to ask him what he want to do with his life? What is his ultimate goal?
He wrote me a massive list of everything he wants to do and said that he's indecisive, he worries too much, reads into things, doesn't have a lot of confidence, is unsure of himself and is scared of failing.
I told him that those worries and insecurities are all crap.
Because he CAN do everything on his list.
I said I hate how humans set rules for themselves and others.
For example, I hate how my mum says "Buy the expensive skincare while you can afford it" as though one day I won't be able to.
I hate how we schedule ourselves on a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year timeline.
8 hours work, 8 hours rest, 8 hours play.
You have to study. You have to go to school for half your life to get a good, respectable, well paid job.
You have to do this. You have to do that.
It's bullshit.
You do what you want.
For those of you who don't know me very well, you're about to learn about a very big, almost secret chunk of my life that I never really talk about.
I'm a Mormon. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The LDS family.
Once upon a time, in Lollywood, I didn't want to know about the church.
I was born into a family who were already members of the LDS church so I had no choice whether or not I wanted to go. I HAD to go to church.
I decided I didn't want to go. I didn't want to know about the church, I didn't want to know the stories or the teachings, I didn't like the people, I didn't want to go to church every single Sunday for 3 whole hours!
Still, I was made to go to church.
So I would sneak the spare keys in my bag and I would sneak out to the car and sit there. For 3 hours.
That worked until my parents caught on, which didn't take long.
So they made sure I didn't have access to spare keys.
I would go down into the bottom of the gardens at church and sit there instead.
My parents realised that I still wasn't going to go in, especially to any of the classes, so I got the keys back. On the condition that I read my scriptures while I was in the car. I agreed to that alright! I got the keys back and as if I would read the scriptures!
A few months of this and people started to realise that I was having my own church in the car and they would come out to invite me inside.
I always declined.
This went on for maybe a year.
Then one of my Young Women (YW) leaders decided that she would bring the class to the car. (YW is a program the church runs for girls aged 12-17. Boys have Young Men (YM) and same age groups apply).
We had the lesson in the car. She said that she would have class in the car every week until I wanted to have class inside.
After maybe 3 weeks of car classes I reluctantly went inside for class.
I kept going inside, only for that class, only if she was teaching.
Then she moved away.
I stopped going again. I made some horrible decisions in my everyday life, resulting in rumours at school and church with my peers. I vowed never to go again. My everyday life kept spiralling although I wasn't aware while it was happening.
This time a guy from church decided to make an effort with me.
He would come and hang out with me outside of church. Never once even mentioned church to me. I was expecting him to preach to me to get me to come back but he never talked about it.
We hung out for a few months before he invited me to the first part of church. That is called The Sacrament Meeting.
I said as long as we sit in the back and I can leave straight after Sacrament meeting is finished. He agreed.
I went to church like that for a while. He stuck up for me when anyone said anything to me about the stories they'd heard about my past mistakes.
I started going to the second class. That is called Sunday School. On the condition that I didn't have to read scriptures, didn't have to answer questions and definitely didn't have to say any prayers. He agreed and made that possible for me.
I moved to America a few months later.
I went to church and left because I couldn't stop crying. I had no one to support me. I was alone in a foreign country. I didn't go back.
I moved houses in America. I decided to try church again. I met some awesome people and one girl who is one of my best friends to this day.
I didn't go very much but hung out with the girls I'd met.
When I came back to Australia, I went to church.
The guy who put so much effort into getting me back to church had stopped going.
I took a step back and lay low on the church scene for a while.
Then one day, one of his sisters took a shine to me.
We became really good friends and I started going back to church again.
We decided to go to Young Single Adult (YSA) Camp. YSA is a program the church runs for males and females ages 18 - 30.
I met a lot of new people, saw some old friends and we had a great time.
I started to go to church regularly and for once it was because I wanted to. Because I enjoyed it. Because I was happy when I was there.
This led only to awesome things happening in my life. I was called to serve with the Young Women as a leader, a teacher. I was absolutely so privileged to work with the YW of this Ward and hoped I could support the girls the way my YW teacher had supported me. (A Ward is made up of people who live in a certain area. Depending on where you live, determines which Ward you will attend).
Those girls are awesome and I love every single one of them.
During this period of time, I met a certain guy. We started hanging out. He was a lot more into church than I was. Which was intimidating at first. I now realise it was absolutely one of the biggest blessings of my life.
We started "dating" and very soon after, he got called to serve a mission.
This meant that he would leave for 2 years to do nothing but immerse himself in the teachings of the gospel. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally, to serve as full-time missionary to share the teachings with other people so they may know about this church.
Before he left, he really taught me how to go to church for me. That although having people to support you and be friends with at church is important, the reason we go is to learn about the gospel so that we can gain the knowledge and have the best experiences this life can provide us and that I was the only person who could help myself.
His undoubted, concrete faith and belief in these things which he is dedicating 2 years of his life to, is an amazing example to me and to anyone who knows him.
I was released from my calling in YW, then called to Primary. I now teach 4 incredible little children aging from 3-4 years old. They teach me more each week than I could ever teach them in the classroom.
I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have those people who have picked me up time and time again when I was falling away from the church.
I've realised that sure, church has physical restrictions, and sometimes it just simply seems like too much effort, but ultimately it's the only true thing that can set you free.
We're made to feel like we have to do and be what other people dictate we should do or be.
Which brings me back to the point that we believe we have to schedule ourselves on a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year timeline.
8 hours work, 8 hours rest, 8 hours play.
You have to study. You have to go to school for half your life to get a good, respectable, well paid job.
You have to do this. You have to do that.
It is bullshit!!!
A lot of people have lost touch of what life is really about... which is living! Enjoying the moment, to be happy and content, to love and be loved, not many people take notice of the little things anymore. A cool summer's breeze, getting caught in the rain, a beautiful sunrise, the gentle fall of snowflakes, a star filled night sky, a walk on the beach!
When we're old and on our death beds, do you think we will say "Ohhh damn I wish I'd studied for longer!!! Or I wish I'd worked more and made more money."??
Hell NO!
We will say "I wish I'd had the courage to do what I wanted. I wish I'd spent more time with my family and friends. I wish I'd laughed more. I wish I'd taken the time to just sit and appreciate the beauty of nature, I wish I could've had one last kiss from my true love!"
And hopefully we won't have to wish any of that because we will always appreciate what life is really about.
But my point is, it doesn't even end at death!
It breaks my heart to know the teachings of the gospel and want to share it with others and they don't want to know, they don't care, they don't believe.
It breaks my heart to think that some people believe that if someone dies, you lose them forever. They're gone for good. They're not!!! I could not imagine living in this world believing that once we die, it's over. What a sad, scary way to live your life.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is so true, the stories are true, the principles are true, Joseph Smith and his stories and his work is true and everything about it is true. I wish everyone could know this now!
These amazing experiences we can have on Earth are small compared to what is after this lifetime.
My life would be nowhere near as fulfilling as it is without this gospel and I wish nothing more than for everyone to know of it.
It is the backbone of me. It is where all my beliefs and opinions form. It's awesome!
Even though it has taken me my whole life of making bad choices and mistakes, I am so grateful to be a part of the church and to finally know that it's true.
There is sooooooooooo much more to the church that I haven't touched on here but it can only help you in your life.
This church will in no way, ever, bring bad things to your life!
If anyone is interested in learning more about this gospel, please let me know.
Check out www.lds.org for more information.
I promise you that living this gospel, learning about the stories and teachings of this church and applying these principles to your life will only bring amazing experiences!
Prove me wrong.
Lolly xxx
P.S. Happy New Year 
curious